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Surround Yourself With What You Love

Posted on 13 September, 2016 at 4:05 Comments comments (0)


So if you are reading this I am hoping you are interested in making sure you are living a life surrounded by nice things and nice people. I think by the time we reach adulthood, we are under the impression we need to settle and make do with what we have. Maybe we had dreams once, or tried amazing things out once, but it didn't work out so great. Maybe we have just completely forgotten to even think about surrounding ourselves with wonderful things. We can so easily get caught up in the hardship of life. Or in the drama. Or in doing what we think we 'should' be doing. Living our lives for other people. Let me tell you, that is a recipe for unhappiness, depression, addiction, avoidance, anger and emptiness. How do we get our lives back on our own terms? How do we step up and into a life that is 100% authentic and our own. Fully in charge. Doing what we want to do. So many of us are intent on pleasing others, not standing out, not speaking up, not being different. And the crazy thing is, we are all so different! I always think that if we know ourselves fully, and live our lives on our own terms, it would solve almost everything! Of course none of us have control of things and events outside our control. Natural disaster's, abuse, meeting horrible people, getting stuck with horrible people, unemployment, lack of opportunities in our locality. But we do have power, total power, over the life we design for ourselves. It's actually a terrifying thought. 

So maybe a few thoughts on where to begin, assuming you haven't already:

1. List the things you love in this world. I mean everything you can think of. From a cup of tea to Hawaii, from fashion to quantum physics. A slice of coffee cake, a well made car, the Beach, travelling, money, whatever. Just list everything. This may take a week or so. Keep coming back to your list and adding new things as you remember them. 

2. Spend some time contemplating the list. 

3. Ask yourself how much of this list is actually is actually in my life everyday?

4. Spend some more time contemplating the list.

5. Make a list of all the people in your life who make you happy.

6. Make a list of all the people in your life that make you unhappy.

7. Figure out some way of increasing the happy people, in decreasing the unhappy people!

I think we need to commit to getting there. To saying to ourselves, one day I will be surrounded and be doing only things I love.

Good luck with it....

You Are Not Your Thoughts

Posted on 19 November, 2015 at 13:30 Comments comments (0)

Did you know that? Did you know that you are not your thought's? That just because you think something, doesn't mean it's 'you'. Just because you have horrible or difficult or even harmful thoughts, that doesn't mean 'you' are horrible or difficult or even harmful. Thinking something doesn't make it so. 

Instead our thought's are as random and odd as it can get. They pop up into our minds. We have very little to do with it! Our up-bringing, what we watched on the lap-top the night before, the amount of sugar or caffeine coursing through our veins, how the weather is outside, how our hormones are doing this month, whether we have won the lotto or not... We simply have thoughts. 'We' are something far greater. Sigh of relief!!!

I always talk about 'The River Bank' in my work. If we can mentally bring ourselves to the edge of a river, sit down on the bank and get quite cosy. If we can visualise the grass, the weather, the temperature, the comfort level of how we are sitting. If we can see, and I mean really see the river flow before our feet. We watch the river flow past us. Does it flow left to right? Or right to left? You decide. I always say, this river is like your thoughts. It is like your racing mind. If you can sit easy on the river bank and learn how to watch the content's of your mind flow past, then you are winning! As each thought arises, you see it flow past your very eyes. Ah there it goes. Look at it flowing past. On it goes. It may be a 'good' thought. It may be a 'bad' thought. We may really want to jump into the river and be enveloped in that thought! But no, we keep our backsides firmly on the grass. Just sitting. Just watching. No diving! We learn to simply observe our thoughts. How wonderful.

There are many many ways of learning this skill. This is just one. If we practice it all the time, we come to accept, we are behind our thoughts. That there is a profound and wonderful person behind these thoughts. We don't have to get swept up with them. We don't even have to believe them! Imagine that!

                    So go on, and try it. Practice it. Practice it like your life depends on it. Because your life depends on it! #Rise

Don't Hide Your Light

Posted on 16 November, 2015 at 5:20 Comments comments (0)

I woke up this morning with the brand new idea; What would it be like if we said to ourselves, "Today I will not only shine, not only try to rid myself of shame, but today I will shine as brightly as I possibly humanly can!" Wow... This thought got me thinking...

I meet so so many wonderful people both in my office and outside who are crippled with shame and a self-shrinking tendancy. Do you know what I mean by this? That default button whithin that tells us to hide, to shrink, to not get attention. "I'm grand, don't worry about me. Don't even look at me thanks". It is a constant tape just steering us in the direction of playing ourselves down and even 'dumbing' ourselves down. Nice.

I remember hearing many different stories as a child of how we should shine brightly, or how we should never hide our lights under a bush. Usually linked to a religious story, but also just in the mainstream way people try to teach kids to be their best selves. I love it! And yet, how many of us have actually grown up and are living this way? (Apart from the usual ego-maniac's who just love shining as brightly as they possible can, and who usually like to walk all over people in the 'burning brightly' of their wonderful selves!) Who among us even consider's this notion? I mean, what would it be like to walk down the street and have a little tape playing in your head, "I will shine as brightly as I possibly can today". What would that mean to us? If we sit with that idea for a sec and just let the words have meaning for us. Can you feel the power of those words? 

I see so many sensitive and warm hearted people, just shrinking away from truly stepping into the life they were born to live. To step up and out. To claim your space in this world. To hold your head high and feel your feet firmly rooted on the ground. To feel calm inside. To breathe easy. To smile outwards and say, "I will shine". "No Shame". I think when we are very sensitive and naturally shy away from social interactions and people in general, we often move into a place of total and utter avoidance! I guess we need to get some kind of balance. To honour our shyness and/or sensitivity, while still pumping out light. A kind of quiet, but powerful pulsar of light if you like. Sound good? 

We don't need to become something we are not. We don't need to change our value system and suddenly want to tell every Tom, Dick and Harry how wonderful we are! We don't need to like attention. But a balance must be sought. Our dreams must be chased. Our joy persued. Our talents expressed. Why not step up. Why not? 

Well usually we answer that question in some variation of the following. That we don't want to attract attention. That we don't want other people to be jealous of us. That we don't want to be too shiny and bright, just in case it upsets someone. You know who I am talking about. Those naysayers. Them folk who like to find fault with everyone usually! Might I introduce the term, 'Biddy'? Or 'Middy' in the case of the male variety? Oh these folk are everywhere, telling you, "You can't do this", and "Who do you think you are! You're shining? Well, I never! The cheek of you!"  And well let's face it, much worse. Beware of the Biddy or Middy. Beware.

As parent's we tell our kids, we love them and we want them to fullfill their potential. It is so easy for us to see their absolute amazingness! Their unique contribution to this world. Their talents and special light that they shine. It is crystal clear to us. What's even more clear to us is when we see the odd rotten egg around them, trying to tear them down. Kid's or adults who are jealous of them. Threatened by them. Or just plain confused by their wonderful uniqueness! We see it clear, so we say to our children, "Shine on little one". "Don't mind them" "Be the best version of yourself you can possible be" . But I am telling you. If we don't lead by example then what is it worth? No point in us telling our children to shine and fullfill their potential, when we can't figure out how to do it ourselves! Come on. We all know, monkey see, monkey do. So if you are horrified at the thought of your loved one not fullfilling their true potential, then think of yourself first.

          I wonder will that be some genuine motivation to see can you start pulsing light. I wonder...

When all is said and done, we must bring ourselves back to a good old reality check. Why not be all that we can be? Is that the life we want to live? Won't we regret not chasing our dreams and claiming our space in this world? Isn't life too long, to not be happy? Why not claim it today... #Rise

Some Things To Expect When You Begin To Meditate.

Posted on 21 March, 2015 at 0:40 Comments comments (1)

I thought I would put together a few things that you might expect as you set out to meditate for the first time. So as you start your first Mindful Meditation class, and put together an exciting plan yourself, maybe just consider the following few points! Good luck...

1. Be Prepared For All Sorts Of Mind Chaos!

Ah yes, the mind chaos. That thing we are all running from. Society teaches and enforces our running! Eat our feelings away, Drink our pain  away! Sex our intimacy away! But whatever you do, don't find out what is going on inside of you! So when we finally get so fed up with the pain and suffering in our lives, and dare to begin to become more Mindful, don't expect your mind to be calm! Or for it to be appreciative of your new attention! Eh no! Expect Agro! So you go and join your first Mindful class, and begin practicing at home, and you find what lies beneath is a bit of a scary mess. Constant chattering and noise, thoughts flying aroud in all directions, anxiety winking at you, the lot. But it's all okay. Believe me. Perfectly human and perfectly normal. On a more serious note, it is truly terrifying to find oneself simply sitting, all Zen-like, and dare to confront what is going on for us. When we are still and listening. The thought of it alone is enough to prevent people never even trying it. And for good reason too. Most of us are afraid of the 'madness' inside, or the anxiety waiting to swallow us whole, or of the forbidden thoughts that might arise. So we run. But the thing is, those anxieties and fears and chaotic chatter are there regardless of whether we are listening or not. They control us, urge us and destroy things on us. I say, lets befriend the enemy! Let's sit and be and listen. The art of mindfulness is an astonishing skill. It takes us to many a realisation, none more important than, in my opinion, 'I am not my thought's'. In fact I find it helpful to say, I am behind my thoughts. I am far more than my thoughts. So get ready for some pretty busy mindless chatter as you embark on your journey.

2. Be Prepared For All Sorts Of Negativity

Oh just wait for it. You may or may not be surprised at the level of negativity going on in there. Depending on who you are, your genetic make-up and up-bringing, your current diet and exercise routine and many, many more variables, that inner negativity will be either destroying you, or just being a pain in the neck! Either way, painful and exhausting! So expect it. Simply observe the criticism. Get to know how bad it really is for you. How out of control is that part of you? What is it that you are telling yourself on a constant basis? What is that hateful part of you saying to yourself in the background as you go about your day? Get to know it. And know you are MORE. Know you are not that inner-critic, but something other than it. What an awful piece of humanity it is. But it is not insurmountable. Observe it and carry on. Eye of the Tiger!

3. Expect To Come Up With Genius Ways Of Not Meditating!

So even though you have gone to your mediation classes, and have gotten quiet excited about the possibilites, after a while, you loose interest. It gets hard. The shine goes off the stark reality of simpy sitting and being. Boring! And then having to face into all that lark inside. Eh no. Head out for a coffee instead, right? Wrong! Expect yourself, to fall off the wagon of Mindfulness. Stay focused on the benefits of the practice and all that it can offer you! Get yourself a snazzy routine. First thing in the morning, last thing at night. On the train to work, or straight after you get home. Get the habit going. Make a plan and stick to it. No Matter What. Sooner or later you will be seeing the benefits. No Pain, No Gain ;) 

3. You Will Want To Go On About How Good You Feel!

But please don't! Nobody likes a bragger :/. Keep yourself together and mindfully express yourself! Be warned though. The effects of your new mindfulness will be far reaching. You will want to really tell everyone you know! You heard it here first...

So that is it. Expect a lot of resistance and internal talk. Expect it won't be easy. Expect your life to change! See you soon, Gem.

By the way, what has your experience been like? Would you like to leave a comment about what mindful meditation is like for you? I would truly love to chat with you about it! Talk soon...

7 Steps To Change Your Life

Posted on 15 December, 2014 at 8:00 Comments comments (0)


Hello and welcome to my first ever Blog post! So I thought what is more important than learning 7 effective steps to actually change your life. No gimics. No waffle. Just some no-nonsense skills and tips to give you the life you truly want to live.


Now I am not saying getting the life you always wanted is easy! It takes (here comes the reality...) self-discipline, a whole lot of effort, dedication, patience, self-discipline and a Champion mentality. Wait, don't stop reading! I will show you how! Keep reading, and in the next 7 steps, I will outline how do you become a Champion in your own life, and how to eventually wake up one morning, look around and think... I love my life!



1. Decide What It Is You Want.


How can you change your life if you don't know what kind of life you want? We say all the time, I wish I was happier, I wish I felt better about myself, I wish I was less stressed, I wish my family relationships were better. And of course, all of that sounds great to me! But if you really want to see some actual changes in your life, if you really want to have a great life, then you have to get more specific!


I want you to take some time to sit down and write or imagine what your new life will look like. This is incredibly hard though! What usually happens is, our internal critic starts telling us that this is stupid and sure we will never get exactly what we want! I would love to own my own business but like that's never going to happen! Or I am married with kids, I have major responsibilities. I can't just make a list of the kind of ideal life I would love to live! But just bear with me...


If you sit down and make a list or think up the exact lifestyle you would love to live, what that does is, it gives you valuable information. It focuses your mind on what it is that you value. It gives you insight as to what it is that's not working in your life right now. Let me give you an example. Say you really think this through, and give yourself a free license to really go for it. You wave a magic wand and boom, you are living a life you LOVE! So it may look like this... Loads of money, great partner, loads of support and affection flowing in your relationships. You wake up in the morning and you jump out of bed, dying to get to work! Your job is your passion. Your job brings you meaning and joy! Before your inner critic gets going again, let me wrap this up! Decide what you value. Decide what kind of lifestyle is truly YOU. Decide what job would be your passion. Just allow yourself to dream. To think big. Uncensored.



2. Decide You Wont Stop Until You Get It


This is the hard bit. This is the crucial bit. This is the glue in the whole process. You won't make changes if you aren't fully committed. I want you to think back to a time in your life when you achieved something against the odds. Think back to a time you won, or you succeeded at something. I bet you will agree with me that the crucial bit was your mindset. You were going to achieve it, No Matter What. You just had it in your head, I am doing this! And guess what, you pulled it off! If we are half in - half out of things, we get no where. Decide now that you are sick of your life the way it is. Decide that even though you don't know 'how' you will achieve it, you will change your life. Decide.



3. Get Clear On What That Life Looks Like


No for some fun. This bit is playtime. Nice and relaxing! This is where you bring your new life into clear focus. I want you to get very clear on the new life you want to live. What do you look like in your dream life? How do your feel in your new life? When you go to work, how do you feel? Is your life full and busy, or is it calm and relaxing? Really visualise yourself living your new life. Here's a tip.


Take some time to map out what your ideal day would look like? I can't say it enough, but don't forget to be really specific! Have fun! Anytime you find yourself being negative, just notice your own inner blocks to this fun process and bring yourself back to visualising a great life! Go through each step of your day in clarity. Really get excited about how wonderful it would be to live like that! Wave your magic wand, and see a wonderful life. As if you are watching yourself in a film, having a wonderful time. I bet your core values are coming into play a lot here. If you value love, you may see yourself in a wonderfully loving relationship. If you value security, you may see yourself having enough for your bills. Have fun!


4. Set Up A Routine To Keep Your Ideal-Life In Mind


Okay so this step and step 5 require you to actually set up a routine and actually go about making your dreams come true. In this step, I want you to set aside a time or times every single day, where you remember that wonderful visualisation of your new life. Set up some time every single day to think over your wonderful new life. To get excited about it. To feel how great it would be to live like that. Maybe it will be every morning, while you are brushing your teeth. For those 2/3 minutes every morning, you re-focus yourself to where you are going. To what you value. To reminding yourself, this great life is on the way. Or maybe last thing every night. Whatever time of day you set aside, this will train your brain to think about your new life with all it's greatness, all by itself. It will train your brain to stay focused on what is important to you. It keeps you motivated and your sub-conscious will be seeking out ways to make it happen!


5. Break Down Your Goals In Smaller Steps


Okay now for the heavy-lifting. Up to this point you have probably been thinking, not much is getting done here! This seems to be very much 'all in the head'. How can all this 'thinking' and 'visualising' change anything. And you are right! So you have done all the steps, and you really went for it! You have a totally brilliant clear image of what it is you want, and what it is you want to change. You can practically touch it! Now you get to work...


Maybe a whole other piece could be written on this particular step. It is tough going! But essentially you need to set out all your goals, all the changes you want, and start breaking them up into small chunks. Say you are depressed and one of the things you want to feel is comfortable in your own skin, comfortable being alive, even joyous at being alive. Then I want you to start breaking that down into smaller steps. You could have 30 small steps to beating depression. 30 small things to move you into a better feeling within yourself. You don't have to do those 30 steps today, or all at once. Get the steps written down. Make sure they will actually move you towards your goal. And pick one to do. Maybe the first thing you work on is getting up early every single day, no matter what. Focus on that goal. And don't take your eye off it, until you are doing it. No matter how long it takes! Then when you are getting up early and that habit is formed, move onto the next step. Each and every single thing you would like to change in your life can be done in this way.



6. Don't Be Afraid To Change Your Mind


This is just a bit of advice! If you realise after a while, actually you would prefer a different change, that's okay! Just change your mind and re-adjust! So instead of that cosy cottage by the sea, you actually think you would prefer a farm house. No problem. Just tweak your dream, change your mind and visualise the new change clearly.


7. Never Give Up. Remember - You're a Champion!


So after a while you will run out of steam, your inner critic will take over and you will loose faith in this whole process! That's the bad news. Too many set backs will come your way. Life as it is for you right now will knock the wind out of your sails. You will think it's all a load of nonsense. You will loose power! Please expect this to happen! Expect yourself to hit many bumps (massive canyons!) along the way. No problem to you! Just get up. Just get back up.Pick yourself up and remind yourself of all the reasons you had to want to change in the first place. Remind yourself you 'do' have power in your own life to change it. Remind yourself of your commitment to change. Your inner Champion who told yourself, I am doing this! No Matter What!


The only difference between winning and loosing is Never Giving Up!





Well I hope this has been of use to you! Let me know!

If you want to email me about this Please Do! I would genuinely love to hear your thoughts. Don't forget to check out www.thephoenixcentrewexford.com and join in on the fun on Faceboook



Talk to you soon, Gemma.